I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
