i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
