my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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