Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
