i barfeds in our rink
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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