I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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