i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
