Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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