Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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