Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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