You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
