haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
