There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my being single is dangerous.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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