he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
