I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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