the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
