I wanna bring you to show and tell
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
