I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
