M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
