Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
