I could make wine with my vomit
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize