I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
