And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
