if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
