my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
