textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
