....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
