I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
