i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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