I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
