Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize