he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
