you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize