She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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