Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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