i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
