Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think your dad took our porno
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
