I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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