I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
