It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
