made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
