If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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