No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
