2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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