it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
