I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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