You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
