i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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