I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
