I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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