dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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