he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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