I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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