The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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