i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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