We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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