I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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