are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
