OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize