i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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