She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize