Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
