don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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