I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize