Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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