so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
