Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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