So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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