just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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