What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
