umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am spending my child support on dildos
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
