just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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