i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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