i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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