JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
