I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
