Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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