So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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