Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
