Cold hands, warm shart.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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