our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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