Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
